Friday, November 23, 2012

Mobile Blogging: Because I Can

Hello readers! As mentioned before, I would love to take my blogging more seriously and that would mean regularly updating it. Seemed like a challenge when it came to that, I but Blogger had finally allowed those living away from certain geographical areas to engage in mobile Blogging.

It's simple, quick, and I can upload photos and critical posts on the spot. How amazing is that? Expect more silly posts and disturbing images from the Sass Mistress.. Await my next blog post, coming soon which will talk about interracial dating and French men..

Au Revoir, ma petits!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Skyfall: Disaster or Delicious?

Hello readers! Today's post is my full fledged, no holds attack.. ahem.. I mean, criticism of the new Bond movie Skyfall which was recently released. To be honest, I lost interest in the Bond movie franchise ever since it was taken over by the ever so wrinkled and sperm-dried Daniel Craig. It lost all appeal and sexy suddenly became old, blond and wrinkled. Fine, I have to admit that for his age his body is just delectable and surprisingly fit, but that doesn't make up for the lack of tact and suaveness required of James Bond. In all honesty he just killed the role and movie. Unlike the first two movies, Skyfall is bludgeoned with more stupid movie cliches than necessary. For instance when the bad guy was caught at the beginning and they were all like "Finally, we copped his ass!". Little did they know that getting caught was part of his stereotypically sick agenda.

Of all the bond girls I actually liked Olga Kurylenko. She was by far the best and sexiest bond girl in the Daniel Craig series. Naomie Harris on the other end always looks like she just came from smoking a cliff while offering her allegiance to Jay-Z. There's just something about her lazy eyes and drunk expression that puts me off. When I watched the movie and then saw this Bond girl, I wanted to regurgitate all the carbon dioxide in the air because it was like Transformers 3 all over again; when they recasted the  leading lady with Rosie Huntington-Whitely who- when compared to the plastic enhanced Megan Fox- resembled last night's leftovers.Oh Olga Kurylenko, please return to being the Bond Girl. :( 

To sum up this pointless review, The movie lacked novelty, the main character lacked fitter abs (his "abs" looked like the salmon I had last night), I was still confused on how the inclusion of Javier Bardem as the villain helped enhance the shit that was the movie and yeah, it was terrible. Frankly speaking, the best thing about the movie was the song, Skyfall by Adele. It is simply amazing and very harmonious. I love it so much.

To read more useless reviews (quite like mine) you may click on these links to read them:
If you want to hear something that is worth your time and will actually save your hearing here you go (click on the link to listen):

Once again, this is simply a review of WHAT I THINK of the movie. Don't be a moron and take it seriously. You may watch the movie (at your own risk) and procure your own opinion. 

PS: An opinion means I can say whatever I want. If you hate it, suck on it. If you disagree, go smoke a tree.

According to Me: Top 10 British Women I Adore

Hello readers and a happy Halloween to you all! I was going to post an entry on my Halloween throughout the past year but then I decided to accumulate enough Halloween experience this week and then write the article :) So in actual fact this post is all about this new series that I want to start titled, "According to Me...". This new segment basically introduces the top ten things, people, movies, shows and etc. that I find worthy of notice. To start of this new segment I would like to (sorry girls) draw all the attention of the men around the world from those typical American celebrities and get them to instead focus on these 10 amazing British ladies. According to me, these are the top 10 British ladies that I find most charming.

10.   Emma Watson
From the cute and adorable Hermione Granger to the lovely and delectable Emma Watson herself, this beautiful 22 year old is just amazing in her own words. Aside from the rumors of her death (How cruel of someone to spread something like that), Emma has successfully steered herself away from any controversies that have thrown her off the monstrous spotlight called Hollywood. What makes her my number ten British gentile that I adore is simply because she is a private person and hasn't been in any image shattering rut recently or ever. And she is also daring- she was daring enough to go where no 22 year old celebrity has gone; she chopped off her locks but still killed the look. Congrats to Miss Granger for being so adorable and likeable!

 9.   Dido (Dido Florian Cloud

Now I know that most of you probably forgot about her because she has been on hiatus for so long but you cannot forget her songs! This fine lady is responsible for hits like "Hunter", "Thank You", "Don't Leave Home" and the ever so popular "Here With Me" (which was also the theme song for the popular TV series Roswell). Rumor has it that she has been making music recently but hasn't been getting much exposure for it but for those of you who want to listen to her recent hits especially from her album "Safe Trip Home" just click >>>HERE<<<;. Aside from her voice and her meaningful lyrics, Dido's beauty and simplicity is what attracts me to her (#nohomo). She is just unique and simple. she doesn't throw herself in the spotlight like other comeback celebrities and Isn't a fame-whore. Dido, I love you (no homo).

8. Kate Beckinsale 

We all know this British bombshell as the sexy, kick-ass vampire (vampire) slayer in the Underworld series and we also know her as the sweet nurse from the forever loved Pearl Harbor (The movie she acted with Josh Hartnett and that other guy who thought it was a great idea to write, direct and act in "Good Will Hunting".) The most unbelievable thing about this missus is that she is a mind blowing 39 years old! Imagine being 39 and looking like that! She has clearly preserved her beauty well. The reason she is even on my list is because she is controversy free and respects herself as a woman and actress. She hasn't done anything to degrade herself (yet) and she will always be Britain's sweetheart with a smile that can light up dark tunnels. 

7. Emily Blunt

Despite having a face that resembles that of the typical uptight bitch living in the Kensington area of London, Emily Blunt is truly a remarkable beauty and she oozes sex appeal too. She has acted alongside A-Listers like Susan Sarandon, Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. Upon first glance, one might assume she was the controversial sans bitchy type but she is actually a really nice person and she is tremendously sweet and energetic too. I really admired her performance in The Devil Wears Prada simply because she played the role of uppity bitch really well (she did have the face for it.) So the main reason why she is my number sixth is that her looks are indeed deceiving- she looks mean but is extremely nice.

6.Thandie Newton

Surprise, surprise... Thandie Newton is NOT American, but British! I know, I suffered the same shock when I found out because most of the movies that I have seen her in were American. Then all of a sudden I recently found out that she is British. Shocker! She has acted in movies such as The Chronicles of  Riddick, Run, Fat Boy, Run, For Colored Girls and etc. Thandie is just exotic beauty. Her eyes are so playful and seductive and her smile is just enigmatic. She embodies the meaning of being a Black British woman is- you dont' have to have colored eyes to be a pretty black woman. She is on my list because I love her acting, smile and her personality. 

5. Anna Popplewell 

 She may not be as well known as the others or as blatantly gorgeous as the other British women, but Anna Popplewell is truly a beautiful lady. Some of you might remember her in the Narnia series... but other than that, she ceases to act (besides recently doing a promo for the 4th installment of the Halo series.) She is one of those celebrities who are abundantly famous in their country but fail to achieve the same level of fame in the US. She is slowly gaining recognition for making appearances in some of the future Narnia series. She may be regarded as ugly, or childish to some but to me, she is the very cherry on the crumpet tree. She has the signature red blown up lips and the blue eyes. all she's missing is the blonde hair but her brunette locks seem to do her justice. She fares really amazingly as the number five British lady simply because she is still young, very low key and (he very essence of beauty (I do prefer her to that Georgie Henley character).

4. Leona Lewis

Yes! We see you and hope that you won't forgive us for saying that you are simply stunning. Leona Lewis is one of those people you would turn twice at in a restaurant or any public area. She is the personification of what it's like to be British and Black (OK fine, she's not really black , she's part black but who cares! She's hot!) Sure, she is the typical cliche of grey eyes and caramel skin that exemplifies beauty at its finest but cliche schmiche. Leona was first brought into my spotlight when I heard her song "Bleeding Love" (you might've heard the Jesse McCartney version- the original one- but she totally nailed it) on the mainstream radio. She went on  to singing the main music theme for the award winning movie Avatar "I see You". he song Forgive Me was very catchy and showed an almost Broadway side of her. She was just amazing and had a wonderful voice and that was what made her qualified to be in my list.

3. Una Healy

If there were a million things I could say to describe Una's beauty it would take much more than one post and time too. Una Healy is indeed the epitome of beauty. She is living proof that being a ginger doesn't eternally fate you to freckles and less than pleasant looks. This flaming redhead is one of five members of the all female UK group "The Saturdays". Now a majority of you are probably wondering who the f*** are the Saturdays? Visit: ‎ to find out more. To be honest, I only like Una not the music, it's almost too K-Pop for me. Anyway, the reason why she is number three on this list is because she's sexy and she knows it! There's that and the fact hat she doesnt flaunt her amazing life in our faces like most British ladies do (I mean have you seen TOWIE or Made in Chelsea? Total twats!) She hasn't created any controversy yet and she is also very pleasant to look at without being bored (in a platonic way, of course). This is the part where i do some promo for their music but since i dislike it, I will save you the torture. 

 2. Natasha Bedingfield

These words of my own cannot begin to describe how much I am stymied by this fine gentile. She really embodies the true meaning of being the stereotypical British lass. She's blonde, blue eyed, big smile and is related to Daniel Bedingfield (that guy who sang that one hit wonder If you're not the one) and has very whacky personality. She first mesmerized me in her song These Words which was then followed by a list of impressive melodies such as Angel, I Wanna Have Your Babies and Love Like This (feat. Sean Kingston). And ca you believe she's 30? Her bright smile and her talent makes her seem much younger than her age. This pop singer's veracity and vocals are what makes her deserve this number two position on my list. In case Natasha ever comes across this blog (Yeah, right!) I would love to say a million more things about her but it would require more than this tiny post to do so. Keep smiling and keep making music girl.

And the number one spot goes to......
1. Pixie Lott

Indeed, Pixie Lott is the number one classiest and most beautiful British gentile according to me. I mean, honestly, what is there not to like about this pixie featured lady? She's smart, stunning and has a big heart! She is gorgeous on the inside and the outside, plus, she has such a terrific personality teamed with a gorgeous smile! Pixie Lott first surfaced in 2009 and has been responsible for smash hits like Boys and Girls, Cry Me Out and the ever loved, Gravity. She has a voice that could almost give certain American singers a run for their stinking money. She is one of those women who have been caught countless times without their makeup on but still have the audacity to be proud about their acne filled face. I love this woman! And to think that she is only 20! What an achievement really! Overall, Pixie, if you ever- in some unimaginable way- come across this blog, just know that you are an amazing individual and that you will definitely give some singers a run for their money. Live long and prosper.

So there you have it. The top ten British ladies that I admire the most, starting from Emma Watson all the way to Pixie Lott. Congratulations to those who made it onto this insignificant list and for those who didn't make it, try to be involved in less scandals and wardrobe malfunctions, cupcakes :D Then again, those who were dangerously close to making the list were: Cheryl Tweedy, Sienna Miller, Catherine Zeta- Jones, And Amy Winehouse (OK, admittedly she had received a lot of bad press prior to her death and she was starting to make Jack Skellington look obese, but her voice really impressed me- that lady could sing!) In all fairness, whatever I wrote about these ladies shouldn't be taken as a sign of possible Homofaggity or as I like to put it Homofagus Repulsivus.

No Homo.