Saturday, February 27, 2016

Healthier Alternatives

Hello whippersnappers and too-cool-for-school readers of mine! Oh? Well I can understand that confused expression on your faces as you read the title of this post. That's the same look everyone gets when they encounter the "H" word. And even worse, I have contracted the... sudden affliction to be... *gulp* healthy. Indeed I have joined the health wagon an decided to make some necessary health changes to my diet. Wow, diet. It's been a while since I heard that word. Well this calls for a little selfish backstory chronicling my weight episodes back in the days.

I was always a slim kid. I grew up thin and was very boyish figured up until the day I became a woman and then these inadequate pillows grew on my chest. That was when the curves started to appear. I have a fear of being overweight mainly because I believed no one would love me or find me attractive if I was overweight and it was this fear that made me observe what I ate and made sure I maintained my 50kg figure up until I was done with university. The last time I was on a proper diet was back in 2013 when I discovered that my hips had increased a little and made the bottom half of my body slightly disproportionate to the remaining upper half. And so I successfully weighed 52 kgs by the middle of 2014.  August 2014 saw me gaining weight and by the beginning of 2015 I weighed more. From that point onward I have gained a few more kgs and that is what fueled my decision to kill the fat and start 2016 healthily. (Well that and also wanting to fit into a smaller bikini for that beach vacation I'll be taking later in the year)

My boyfriend Cody** believes that I look great just the way I am, but then again, I feel like I need to cleanse the terrible spirits that have been in my body for a while. All the junk I've been eating need to be flushed out and dissolved into oblivion. Which is why I will be embarking on a full body diet cleanse starting from the 29th of February 2016. Now as of any other diet out there, It is important to do a trial run to determine if this diet is good for me. Hence, I will be conducting this trial for 30 days and by the end of 30 days, I will determine whether I am getting any results from this diet or perhaps I should move on to a better one. 

But what kind of diet would I be doing? Well with today's fitness obsessed craze going on, there are tons of different options when it comes to diets. Out of all those attractive choices, I decided to do a juice fast which is essentially me living on juice. How do I plan to implement that? Why, with this daily schedule consisting of juicing 3 times a day everyday. IF I feel hungry, I'll snack on fruit. This is of course with light exercise (i.e power walking, some 30 minute runs on the weekend) as I wouldn't want to lose my ASSets and boobs too. 

There we have it. The perfect plan for me to love 20kgs and reach my dream weight. 

All that's needed M.O.T.I.V.A.T.I.O.N. 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Zoolander 2: The Review

[WARNING! ACHTUNG! ADVERTENCIA!: Definite Spoiler Alerts Ahead. Read at your own RISK]

Hi there, ye who came across this blog as one of the search engines pop ups  after searching for "Zoolander 2 free online streaming" (cheapskate!). After years -literally years-since my last movie review, I have decided to rekindle this dying category and do a review on a movie I watched exactly less than 30 minutes ago... Zoolander 2, starring, Dumb, Dumber and Moron.
For those of you who remember, there was a little known movie that was released in 2001 (*GASP* 15 years ago!!) starring Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson and a slue of other actors called Zoolander. This move was basically about a materialistic and non-intelligent male model Derek Zoolander who took the fashion world by storm with his similar exactly the same I mean seriously all these looks are the same "various" looks aka Blue Steel  and Magnum to name a few, while successfully stopping the evil villain Jakobi Mugatu from killing the Malaysian (?) Prime Minister and taking over the world.

Zoolander 2 is all that minus the Malaysian Prime Minister and the addition of countless numbers of guest celebrities making it a mess. The first movie was really funny and served the purpose of entertaining the audience. Sadly, I can't say the same for the sequel. Talk about the over excessive use of celebrities! Every scene in the movie had a familiar famous face! Even Penelope Cruz, who I assumed went extinct with the dinosaurs, resurfaced as one of the lead characters! The plot of the movie basically revolves around Derek Zoolander having to save his (fat) son's life from the evil Jakobi Mugatu who escaped from prison in the most ridiculous fashion- yes a maximum security fashion prison.

The movie starts off with news of Zoolander being old news and irrelevant in the fashion world especially after his ill named learning center was destroyed due to poor maintenance resulting in teh death of his wife. He then disappears from the world and lives in exile somewhere. One fine day he receives a visit from Billy Zane who convinces him to model at a runway show by Mugatu's beau Alexanya who looks like a human version of diarrhea. So he teams up with the Hansel of lesser fame and get humiliated during the show. Zoolander and Hansel are then approached by B-list actress Penelope Cruz who also works for INTERPOL and are hired to help catch  someone who has been killing off the 'beautiful' people in the world including Justin Bieber (who dramatically gets shot at the beginning and dies after choosing the right Instagram filter for his selfie) to get the fountain of youth in their blood. A couple of feel good moments get thrown in and Zoolander now pledges to look for his son...

... who turns out to be less "cool" than he expected and also is the fountain of youth. As the movie progresses, we find out that Mugatu has been in cahoots with human diarrhea in kidnapping Zoolander's son, literally fattening him over the years at some makeshift orphanage just so that he can sacrifice him to a materialistic fashion designer cult (consisting of famous names such as Alexander Wang, Anna "The White Witch" Wintour, Tommy Hilfiger and several more). So in the end, the whole fountain of youth ideology was made up by Mugatu who simply wanted to gather all the designers in one place and kill them including his nemesis Zoolander's son. Nevertheless more revelations ensue as we find out Alexanya is actually Milla Jovovich fro the first movie, Mugatu's pet poodle is a dummy and Justin Bieber is a terrible actor. 

Overall I'd give the movie my personal rating of 5/10 simply because too much has been done to try to make it funny. Excessive puns, the overuse of celebrities and terrible jokes are the main focus of the movie. Zoolander is a far better movie than Zoolander 2, period. If you are thinking of watching this movie, then I'd recommend that you watch it in the confines of your own home by your illegally downloaded copy. 

Monday, February 8, 2016

Valentine's Day Through The Years

Ladies and Gentleman. Females and Males. Sons and Daughters... it is that month of the year! The month that makes men sweat as they try to figure out how to please their missus. The month a man spends his entire salary on just to make that perfect date. The month containing that infamous date, the cruel and notorious.. February 14th, aka... Valentine's Day! *Shudders* [Insert sharp thriller killing scene soundtrack of your choice here].

Yes, February is the month of love and I remember back in the days when I loathed Valentine's Day and this was largely due to the fact that I was mostly alone and boyfriend-less and standing in hotel corners hissing at happy couples as they pass by. Ok, fine I didn't hiss at them... I scowled at them. It displeased me greatly to see the tall, leggy women prancing around with their boyfriends laden with ruby red roses. But now, I became one of those ladies... well I'm still working on the leggy part but you get the picture. 

Before my college years, Valentine's Day was pretty shitty for me. Being that girl with the gap in her teeth, no one wanted to date me. In our school, we had this secret admirer bullshit in which if you had a crush on someone in your school, you could send them secret chocolates, cards or whatever sweet item and it will be delivered to them instantly by the "cupids". Here, you could either go bold and reveal your name on the tag or be mysterious and keep your crush guessing while building up their self esteem that someone actually like likes them. Well unfortunately (actually, fortunately for me because none of the boys were my type during Valentine's Day), I received no such thing. SO Valentine's Day did suck for me in high school. 

Fast forward to my college years when Valentine's Day was slightly bearable because I wasn't the only one without a boyfriend or a crush to receive heart shaped gifts from. I had a score of friends who were my army of non-Valentines and we gloriously showed St Valentine the middle finger.... until the next year when I landed myself a boyfriend. Those girls were dead to me as soon as I bagged myself a mister. I know, I know, sisters before misters but screw that, I had someone who could give me roses and a nice dinner and gifts. The problem was that we started dating after Valentine's Day and have broken up before the next one, so dammit, there went my chance. 

Few years after that I was on an anti-men campaign and refused to date, mate or relate with any man until I was thirty. I frequented bars with my close friend, and we had more fun focusing on ourselves than being concerned with happy couples and roses. During those years, Valentines Day was a myth for me and all this love that was spread around and apparent in the faces of the youth at the malls was an illusion. Nothing could make me like Valentine's Day ever again... well until now. Now that I have met the guy of my dreams, my concept and expectations of Valentine's Day have shifted. From fancy dinners, expensive gifts and whatever materialistic romantic crap they showed in the movies to just having the person by your side watching a pirated movie and eating chips off our chests constitutes the perfect Valentine's to me.

I have ceased to be the Ebenezer Scrooge of Valentine's Day and have become more accepting of it. Admittedly, all I ever wanted- despite the shows of hatred and dislike for the day- was to have a memorable Valentine's Day with the right guy by my side. Luckily for me, that will be true in every sense of the way in a  few days. I hope this post inspires you to take the initiative to actually enjoy Valentine's Day this year and the coming years too. Anything you'd like to share about Valentine's Day in general or your personal experience with Valentine's Day? Hit me up in the feedback form below and Hopefully I can get the 3 best ones into my next post.